The Anti-Sale

Here, I will spend some time telling you why you actually do not want a Boerboel.

Buying a dog is a singularly bad idea from most means of argument. They get so badly in the way of our consumerist pursuits. A Boerboel is that exact problem, but bigger. Almost literally a bad idea on steroids.

I will attempt to talk you into buying a GSD, a Golden Retriever, or maybe even a goldfish or a spider plant. The reason is that I like dogs. I want them – regardless of who owns them – to be happy, and I want them to live long, happy lives with forever families, and I hope that through this document I will weed out those who are not understanding what they are getting into.

First off, there’s the family. In every puppy application I have seen, people say, this dog will be with us forever, for better or for worse … or whatever. They say the right things. But then they have a child, they move, the dog growls at grandma, and they decide that there is no room for this dog in their lifestyle after all. Why does this happen? I have to assume that they didn’t really understand what they were getting into. I hope to help with this article.

Note the following picture (below). This is just one of the times we came home from work, tired and exhausted by the joys of nine to five only to see this chaos… and we were smart enough to bother to take a picture this time. Other times the stress of seeing the destruction was so much that no action seemed possible except to step over the stuff like it was canine land mines and numbly make supper for the kids, and come back later after a scotch on ice and try to figure it all out.

At least she found that library book we were missing...

In that picture is basically a loveseat that a dog decided needed to be dragged across the house, and turned into a nest by digging out all the stuffing and rearranging it into a suitably canine appropriate structure. It was a bit of an anomaly for that particular dog to do as she had never shown that sort of instinct before or after (she was so proud, I have to say, and it was pretty well engineered, so I gave her a cookie) but it is not out of the realm of damage we’ve seen. Years ago, we once went back and complained to a kennel that the bill was so high for boarding a GSD we had left for a week while we went for a winter vacation, but then they showed us the electrician who was still on site and in the process of putting the electrical system back into the ceiling (the same drop ceiling that our dog somehow was also able to destroy in his quest to find his people – he climbed into it to make his escape) and it was made clear that the total damage bill thanks to your dog, if we really wanted to talk numbers, was likely in the many, many thousands of dollars in damage. We thus paid the bill gladly, and I note that to this day that kennel only boards cats.

We’ve had dogs who clawed through glass windows to get in or get out, slashed pads and blood all over carpets but with the ever-wagging tails waiting for us when we come home, the rush to the vet for emergency surgery, ironically diverting all that cash that could have been used to get those argon filled windows we’ve needed for the last twenty years. We’ve bought dog houses and kennels that could not contain “real” dogs we learned, and which were destroyed in a hurry to get out to go the washroom, etc. In full disclosure, we’ve sometimes taken in “breeder return” dogs, the dogs that other people have messed up so badly that there’s no hope but to find some soft, sucker family like us to take them in, but that said, a couple have been totally well bred, well respected dogs, who just are dogs, and who do dog stuff. They pee, poo, and chew, sometimes not when and where we all wish they would.

Do these stories stress you? Don’t kid yourself, we were not laughing when these originally happened (though the loveseat was pretty funny, just in “did we just walk into an art installation?” impact) but instead we were angry, we were disappointed, we were frustrated. Would you, however, give up in those situations? Would you say that this is more than you signed up for, that the breeder mislead you, that this is NOT what Lassie used to do on TV in the sixties? I think if you answered yes to any of that, you may want to reconsider the puppy thing.

Anyway, at some point we got the dreaded “second dog” bug, and learned then that dogs can be like brothers: Best of friends, worst of enemies. The vet bills from those scuffles – and on the positive side our learning about how dogs learn to get along in groups – is another little blip in out as-of-yet and likely to never be calculated bottom line.

So, I meandered there through a bunch of stories there, but basically a wise reader would note my reticence to talk about actual dollars spent. Let’s take a peek in that ugly box for a second. Not too long, though, as I can only take so much shame. We have a dog friendly car (apparently a lot of people consider vehicles with dogs in mind). We have a dog friendly house. So taking the difference between what was purchased extra for dogs and what a typical car or house would cost, for example, adds at least $5K USD. On housing, another $10-20K.

Then there are the many additions. I have hundreds of feet of fence put in. This is totally for dogs. Cost over $5-10K USD. Then the kennels, dog houses, crates, and repairs. If I cut it down to a single dog, I’m still adding another $2K or so. Then there are those vet bills I alluded to. Those have been over $3K per year for one accident inducing dog, and less for others. None are geriatric yet, which is where a lot of real cost comes from. And, finally, the more expected costs of high quality food, treats, training, boarding, flights (why vacation without them?) or whatever. I’m guessing I’m running a monthly rate of $200 or so (ya, my tax guy wants me to get this as a hard number, and as soon as I do you’ll know about it). Assuming a dog lives 12 years, here’s my total, again, pulling a bit of this out of thin air, but also on hard life lessons:

Vet, food, training, boarding, etc. => $200/month times 12 months times 12 years = $28,800

Surely $200 is too high, right? I’m not sure. I think it could be LOW. So, assuming it’s a ballpark, my dogs are costing me some 50K or so once you factor in the (literal) damages. The one thing you may think is that I’ll surely offset those costs by breeding. Well, if I do have a litter, I don’t expect to make any money, and most breeders don’t: The costs are too high. The puppies basically cost exactly what you’d get in purchase price once you factor in all the vet bills, food, etc. so no, there’s really no upside there financially.

Oh, hey, there’s still a reader here who still thinks a puppy is a good idea. Wow, then you are a dog person! Well, since you’re the only person to read this far, let me say the following: I’d never change a thing, there’s no cost I wouldn’t pay to have these goofs in my life. They challenge me constantly, they keep me grounded in a world that is full of astoundingly stupid people with supposedly big brains. They help the kids understand about empathy and love and loyalty. This is the sort of stuff that is worth more than a loveseat, in my opinion.

They are loyal to the point where we are humbled, always willing to die for you, if you only ask, and not scared at all to do so if there’s some chance that might make you happy. That brings a lot of responsibility, too, as we need to constantly be sure they don’t see any situation as wrongly “that time” so there is the constant pressure to expose to new stimuli at the same time that you need to be in control of all situations. It’s work, in a way that raising kids has been, and the parallel isn’t bad, as the rewards are the pride of when you see them out there, doing good stuff in the world.

A schooling on loyalty and empathy

If you’re still thinking of getting a puppy, just be sure that for the next 12 or so years, you are always going to be there for them.

Always.

Ron